It’s not about happy happy happy (although I thought it was for a very long time).
It’s about being able to connect to a sense of well-being.
Even better, when you can do that On. Demand.
How It Was:
Age 7
Seventh-Day Adventist was the fundamentalist religion I grew up with.
Funny story, neither my mother or father grew up with any organized religion however when my mom was pregnant with me (I’m the oldest), she saw an ad for a free bible on the TV, signed up for bible lessons which lead to…
Both of my parents getting baptized as Seventh-Days by the time I was born.
At age 7, I insisted (bullied really) my parents and my pastor into allowing me to be baptized (most kids in this religion make the decision around age 13).
I was determined to be saved (and hopefully happy) as far back as I can remember.
High School
GUILT. Guilt guilt guilt about pretty much everything. I thought if I even thought about sinning, that I was sinning so I was pretty much in trouble in my own mind, all. the. time.
I grew up on a farm and we always had food however we were often in hand-me-down clothes and I was envious of girls that had the designer jeans.
Which in my mind at the time was sinning which made me, GUILTY.
addiction (s)
Exercise was first.
Alcohol was second.
Drugs were mixed in with the alcohol.
Work was the clear winner because after all, it’s almost an honor to be a workaholic.
Anything to “feel” better which meant NOT being present with all the guilt.
All of these worked until they didn’t. More was the answer for a very long time.
What happened:
12-Step
When I landed in 12-step programs, I qualified for every program they had.
It was HARD.
One of the hardest things I have ever done, and I’ve had some tough transitions in my time, including but not limited to: a migraine every day for two years, along with a a complete restart of losing my home and business at age 48.
That first year of sobriety, the hardest.
Until I got sober, I had NO idea how much I hated myself. Wowza and ouch.
Somatic Experiencing Trauma Therapy
In my mid-forties, I found Somatic Experiencing Trauma Therapy.
This was a JOY game changer for me. It was not the first step however it was a solid LEAP into permission to be me.
I had been trying (and failing) to live inside other people’s ideas of what my life should look like.
Unwinding the trauma of my early religious upbringing (and in my belief system my past life traumas) started connecting me to a TRUE sense of well-being rather than the fleeting “I’m so happy after three cocktails or because I’m on vacation” happy happy.
The complete restart
My divorce came with a price tag of losing my home AND losing my business.
It was a complete restart in exactly mid-life.
It has taken six years to create a job that I love and that will support me working through the next twenty years of my life.
It’s been terrifying.
It’s been exhilarating.
It has required me turning myself inside and out to understand, what I really want, resolve the trauma so I have permission to choose it, and to connect to what actually provides a sense of well-being.
My Unique Life Now
Perfect. NOPE. Free to choose. Yep.
Freedom.
Free to invest my resources in a way that I see fit.
I choose:
Free to do work that I love.
It’s taken a minute (or a few years) however I have never stopped believing. Very few people in my life “get it” as far as my choices, however I continue to learn about me, trust myself, and trust this journey even though from the outside, it is a giant leap of faith without a clear view of a soft landing.
Free to continue trusting the timing and looking for JOY along the way.
I’ve learned tools that support noticing how lucky I truly am right. this. minute.
my big tools
When (not if) I lose my faith and my connection to JOY I turn to these tools: (sometimes quickly and sometimes I do a bit of suffering first however they are always here for me when I choose to use them)
💥 It is ALWAYS a spiritual solution– I call on my guides to help me see the bigger picture.
💥 I connect with my body. As an over-thinker I often need a coach to help me do this.
💥 I invest in coaching. My Somatic Experiencing Coach, Andrea is wonder woman. She helps me connect to my body and slowly map a new way of being. My Astrology Coach, Caro is magic. I always feel better when I understand what energies are at play.
💥 I look around. Orientation is a HUGE tool for settling my nervous system.
💥 I get outside with Lucky. (and then look around).
💥 I listen to Pam Grout on Audible. She’s a Course in Miracles Teacher and her voice allows my head to STOP the nonsense.
💥 I get some more rest OR I get to work and on with my life (and ask for the wisdom to know which to pick)
There’s more but I think that’s enough from me for now.
I can help you connect to more JOY.
Start with the Tiny & Mighty Habit Kickstart and begin to Ignite more JOY in your life.